fever vision

Today I wondered around. I walked for hours and hours in the cold. I got lost. I can’t say where I am, but it’s far away from where I usually am. Anyway, I was looking at this skeleton of a giant sloth, and it was really beautiful. I was just standing there, staring at it, when it occurred to me that I should start impaling some of the most evil people in human history on the horns of shed unicorn heads. So, if you’re ordering a painting this week, and if you want to have an infamous dictator dangling from your unicorn horn, just let me know. I will also, during the month of March, be throwing in FREE Hitler mustaches! All you have to do is ask. Now I need to find my way home.

Comments

My Heart is a Severed Unicorn Head

Comments

last valentime

Just about a week late, though I think it’s pretty year-round relevant anyway:
sharks

Comments

2 more valentimes

heartlove

Comments

valentimes

SUH Valentines: Show him/her how much you really love him/her. (ctrl/right click, save, and send:
valentine

Comments

dancing shoes, unicorn heads

Severed Unicorn Heads will be at the Yellow Barn in Ann Arbor (across the street from the YMCA) 2NITE ! 9pm-ish.

Comments

the severed heads have arrived.

Now available at Shoparooni. Tell her you love her all over again.
love

more love 

Comments (2)

we’re not involved with the Decapitator

A note to the investigators from Scotland Yard who keep calling and leaving voicemails:

We are not affiliated with the criminal mastermind who calls himself “The Decapitator.”

Comments

big news from Manama

unocirnmen.jpgThe Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank has raised $125 million in a three-year syndicated loan.

This move is seen as a remarkable achievement both for the Bahrain-based bank and for the Islamic banking industry as a whole.

The bank’s move to raise $100m through its first debt financing venture saw global support at a time when Western banks are refusing to lend to each other, even when asked nicely.

With more than 50 per cent of support coming from financial institutions from outside the GCC, the offer was significantly oversubscribed and attracted investment from Europe and Asia.

That allowed the syndicate to close the deal for this commodity Murabaha facility to close at $125m.

The funds raised will be used for general corporate purposes in support of the bank’s business plan and international growth model, said chief financial officer Melissa Dettloff.
She revealed that Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank is looking at three possible acquisitions in the near future, that it was hoping to get a Saudi Arabian banking license soon and that it would be looking for licenses elsewhere in the GCC.

She said the bank would shortly announce very strong annual figures for last year. “The success of this is truly remarkable given the difficult global financial position, and the dwindling supply of high-quality unicorn heads” she said.

“Liquidity has never been tighter and for some banks it has dried up altogether. For us, a four-year-old bank this is a remarkable success and shows the level of belief that international banks have in the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank and its Islamic model.

“What is pleasing is the interest shown from Europe and Asia. This is a vote of confidence, not just in the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank but from the world wide banking industry in Islamic banking.”

She said raising the cash was achieved at a challenging time as it was delivered against a background of rumours about revaluation of regional currencies or breaks with the US dollar peg.

The Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank currently has a strategic acquisition fund standing at $350m but the bank needed this extra funding as it was growing and its deal size was increasing.

This Murabaha was the bank’s first, but Ms Dettloff said it could return to the market to raise more when needed.

“We are capitalised at $300m and only have borrowings of 33pc but our charter allows us to borrow up to three times our capital,” she added.

Asked about a possible initial public offering of Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank shares for future expansion she said that remained a possibility of the climate was right.

“The tremendous success of this transaction, particularly given the challenging global financial environment, is an important endorsement of the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank’s track record and global expansion strategy,” said the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank head of capital markets and institutional banking, the Volcano of Hate.

“We are grateful to each of the participating banks for their support to Unicorn.”
The facility was arranged by Dubai Bank and Raiffeisen Zentral Bank Osterreich jointly as initial mandated lead arrangers, co-underwritters and bookrunners. Dubai Bank is acting as facility agent and Dawnay, Day & Company is the commodity supplier.

Comments

look out, ohio

I just finished up making 6 “valentinesy” stuffed heads for Cleveland’s Shoparooni. It is hard to deny a request to “really, deeply fuck with people” for Valentine’s day.
Here they are cut and unsewn (they are well beyond this step currently– sewn, stuffed and sitting in a box):
cut and unsewn
(Fun fact: I listened exclusively to the Unicorns while making these, and when I wasn’t listening to the Unicorns, I was listening to the post-Unicorns.)

Comments

« Previous entries · Next entries »