Archive for March, 2008
GIVE US A UNICORN AND WE’LL GIVE YOU THE HEAD…
We’re very excited to be able to roll out our newest initiative tonight. We’re calling it, “Send us a unicorn, and we’ll send you the head.” It’s easy. All you have to do is trick a unicorn into a bag, incapacitate it, and mail it to us along with a five dollar bill. Then, we’ll send you back the head, and a bunch of Severed Unicorn Head Superstore stickers. It’s a win, win. Your marble floors stay clean of blood, hair and marrow, and we help one more unicorn along the evolutionary path proscribed by god… All heads are returned in plain, brown packages, so your neighbors will never know.
fever vision
Today I wondered around. I walked for hours and hours in the cold. I got lost. I can’t say where I am, but it’s far away from where I usually am. Anyway, I was looking at this skeleton of a giant sloth, and it was really beautiful. I was just standing there, staring at it, when it occurred to me that I should start impaling some of the most evil people in human history on the horns of shed unicorn heads. So, if you’re ordering a painting this week, and if you want to have an infamous dictator dangling from your unicorn horn, just let me know. I will also, during the month of March, be throwing in FREE Hitler mustaches! All you have to do is ask. Now I need to find my way home.