Now available at Shoparooni. Tell her you love her all over again.

A note to the investigators from Scotland Yard who keep calling and leaving voicemails:

We are not affiliated with the criminal mastermind who calls himself “The Decapitator.”

The Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank has raised $125 million in a three-year syndicated loan.

This move is seen as a remarkable achievement both for the Bahrain-based bank and for the Islamic banking industry as a whole.

The bank’s move to raise $100m through its first debt financing venture saw global support at a time when Western banks are refusing to lend to each other, even when asked nicely.

With more than 50 per cent of support coming from financial institutions from outside the GCC, the offer was significantly oversubscribed and attracted investment from Europe and Asia.

That allowed the syndicate to close the deal for this commodity Murabaha facility to close at $125m.

The funds raised will be used for general corporate purposes in support of the bank’s business plan and international growth model, said chief financial officer Melissa Dettloff.
She revealed that Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank is looking at three possible acquisitions in the near future, that it was hoping to get a Saudi Arabian banking license soon and that it would be looking for licenses elsewhere in the GCC.

She said the bank would shortly announce very strong annual figures for last year. “The success of this is truly remarkable given the difficult global financial position, and the dwindling supply of high-quality unicorn heads” she said.

“Liquidity has never been tighter and for some banks it has dried up altogether. For us, a four-year-old bank this is a remarkable success and shows the level of belief that international banks have in the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank and its Islamic model.

“What is pleasing is the interest shown from Europe and Asia. This is a vote of confidence, not just in the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank but from the world wide banking industry in Islamic banking.”

She said raising the cash was achieved at a challenging time as it was delivered against a background of rumours about revaluation of regional currencies or breaks with the US dollar peg.

The Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank currently has a strategic acquisition fund standing at $350m but the bank needed this extra funding as it was growing and its deal size was increasing.

This Murabaha was the bank’s first, but Ms Dettloff said it could return to the market to raise more when needed.

“We are capitalised at $300m and only have borrowings of 33pc but our charter allows us to borrow up to three times our capital,” she added.

Asked about a possible initial public offering of Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank shares for future expansion she said that remained a possibility of the climate was right.

“The tremendous success of this transaction, particularly given the challenging global financial environment, is an important endorsement of the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank’s track record and global expansion strategy,” said the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Investment Bank head of capital markets and institutional banking, the Volcano of Hate.

“We are grateful to each of the participating banks for their support to Unicorn.”
The facility was arranged by Dubai Bank and Raiffeisen Zentral Bank Osterreich jointly as initial mandated lead arrangers, co-underwritters and bookrunners. Dubai Bank is acting as facility agent and Dawnay, Day & Company is the commodity supplier.

I just finished up making 6 “valentinesy” stuffed heads for Cleveland’s Shoparooni. It is hard to deny a request to “really, deeply fuck with people” for Valentine’s day.
Here they are cut and unsewn (they are well beyond this step currently– sewn, stuffed and sitting in a box):

(Fun fact: I listened exclusively to the Unicorns while making these, and when I wasn’t listening to the Unicorns, I was listening to the post-Unicorns.)

I contacted the place where my mom and I used to work (swimwear/”dancewear” manufacturer) that supplied me with the flashy/trashy fabric stash of scraps that I’m using to make the stuffed heads, but, they no longer make “dancewear.”

(I love italics.) 

(I’m embarrassed that this thing records the time of posting.)
New horn style: Thanks to a craft magazine from the ’80s that my mom picked up for me from Arts & Scraps (there was a little stuffed unicorn project and pattern inside, among others), the stuffed unicorn heads will now feature much more superior horns. They are more stable, and look “twisted.” This was a test stitch on one of the “original 5″ heads I made back in the day (uh, August), and so this unicorn head now has two horns (hmmm…):

Don’t be like these kids and try to harvest your own unicorn head. You’ll wind up in jail too. Just give us the money and we’ll take all the risks.